ROFL! I can imagine...
I feed my guys all sorts, mostly frozen food.
As a staple diet, they get frozen bloodworm, and frozen brineshrimp.
I feed them in bowls with "hoods" - the cube goes under the top, melts and sinks - and the 'Lotls eat happily.
They also get jellied BS and BW occasionally - especially if one is under the weather. We nicknamed it "baby food". It's ideal, as it's saturated with lots of extra vitamins and minerals, just right for perking up Axies.
Just occasionally they get chicken and soaked ham - it makes a tasty treat - much healthier and easy to prep than heart.